I don’t know how you perfectly balance absurdly delightful humor with deep and melancholy philosophy, but you do. Such a fascinating reimagining of Prufrock.
Nothing offends me. There is nothing to critique in the piece. It is well done for what it is but is it really a direction you want to go? I think the piece is a critical parody or a revisionist offshoot effort? I don't know. And I don't really know what you want to do with poetry so I can't really say much. I just see talent which should focus on better things. I'm talking about writing skill and not any ideas. Most writers have ideas but can't write.
Thanks for the response. I certainly appreciate your sentiments.
I can offer this as a meager defense of the poem: This is neither a nonsense poem nor a simple mockery of Eliot. The germ of this poem is a petulant child (the speaker) confronting his feelings about his father (Eliot.) Not literally, just in the sense of the filial relation between pupil and master. The speaker wishes freedom from his feelings towards his master, but he can only speak within the context inherited from his master, hence the form of the parody. The intended resolution is that the speaker confronts his puerility and ultimately his pride by the end of the poem.
That is a great classic theme, and you show strength in dramatic voice. But I ask if you really need Eliot, an old fuddy duddy snob with no more than one or two tunes throughout his work. Make your own characters. Eliot impresses many because he creates a sound that novices can hear, and little else--remove the sound and not much is left. But I like your drama, and you are one of the few who uses words and not one who just lets the words use you. Big difference. Poetic drama is far more difficult to write than poems especially if there is narrative and events to follow. For every 200,000 poets there might be one dramatic writer. And then you can bring true voice into poems when you want. Your poem above is actually the beginning of a poem and not an end--in other words, what happens next? People want the journey. The speaker confronts his pride--great theme. Art fails when consumed by pride and ego.
Very fair points. All the questions you ask are the right ones, and ones that I've asked myself. You are exactly right that this poem is a beginning, as are many of my others. What happens next? That's what I've been trying to find out. The end of this poem is the closest I've gotten to an answer.
You're correct that poetic drama is difficult. Consequently, I've followed the old advice, "Do not attempt that which is beyond your own strength."
I thank you for your criticism. It is quite helpful to me.
I see you subscribed to my substack, thank you. I suggest you look over a few of the reviews and essays, and then if you would like any critiquing on your work let me know, and I will freely share what I think. We can do it on email, off substack. I can be controversial. Sometimes I do provoke. There are well over a dozen poets on twitter who have blocked me without ever saying why and most I've never interacted or tweeted with--I simply say what I think. Poets are often so touchy with their egos.
I'm quite fond of this; and it seems like it would be lots of fun to read aloud.
Thanks William, I truly appreciate that. And yeah, I've definitely had my fun reading this one. The sonic texture was a priority for me on this one.
Can confirm. First thing I did this morning after waking up was read this aloud to myself. Has set an odd precident for the day...
Brilliant! I love this!
Thanks, I appreciate it!
I don’t know how you perfectly balance absurdly delightful humor with deep and melancholy philosophy, but you do. Such a fascinating reimagining of Prufrock.
Ollie it gives me a great deal of joy to know that someone else also appreciates that blend of humor and melancholy. Thanks!
Wit, in the wrong direction, is waste. You are more talented than this.
Well, I appreciate the compliment I suppose.
Might I cajole a bit more of a critique out of you? Nothing comprehensive, just that I might get a sense of the offending matter.
Nothing offends me. There is nothing to critique in the piece. It is well done for what it is but is it really a direction you want to go? I think the piece is a critical parody or a revisionist offshoot effort? I don't know. And I don't really know what you want to do with poetry so I can't really say much. I just see talent which should focus on better things. I'm talking about writing skill and not any ideas. Most writers have ideas but can't write.
Thanks for the response. I certainly appreciate your sentiments.
I can offer this as a meager defense of the poem: This is neither a nonsense poem nor a simple mockery of Eliot. The germ of this poem is a petulant child (the speaker) confronting his feelings about his father (Eliot.) Not literally, just in the sense of the filial relation between pupil and master. The speaker wishes freedom from his feelings towards his master, but he can only speak within the context inherited from his master, hence the form of the parody. The intended resolution is that the speaker confronts his puerility and ultimately his pride by the end of the poem.
That is a great classic theme, and you show strength in dramatic voice. But I ask if you really need Eliot, an old fuddy duddy snob with no more than one or two tunes throughout his work. Make your own characters. Eliot impresses many because he creates a sound that novices can hear, and little else--remove the sound and not much is left. But I like your drama, and you are one of the few who uses words and not one who just lets the words use you. Big difference. Poetic drama is far more difficult to write than poems especially if there is narrative and events to follow. For every 200,000 poets there might be one dramatic writer. And then you can bring true voice into poems when you want. Your poem above is actually the beginning of a poem and not an end--in other words, what happens next? People want the journey. The speaker confronts his pride--great theme. Art fails when consumed by pride and ego.
Very fair points. All the questions you ask are the right ones, and ones that I've asked myself. You are exactly right that this poem is a beginning, as are many of my others. What happens next? That's what I've been trying to find out. The end of this poem is the closest I've gotten to an answer.
You're correct that poetic drama is difficult. Consequently, I've followed the old advice, "Do not attempt that which is beyond your own strength."
I thank you for your criticism. It is quite helpful to me.
I see you subscribed to my substack, thank you. I suggest you look over a few of the reviews and essays, and then if you would like any critiquing on your work let me know, and I will freely share what I think. We can do it on email, off substack. I can be controversial. Sometimes I do provoke. There are well over a dozen poets on twitter who have blocked me without ever saying why and most I've never interacted or tweeted with--I simply say what I think. Poets are often so touchy with their egos.